Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Natto Special!

After Bean Paste, you thought nothing would shock you. You thought nothing could compare to the insideous taste of sugary beany sand invading your dessert. You thought nothing could produce the same horror as that revolting purple mush. You thought you were strong enough to handle what life had to throw at you.


You found Natto.

A sticky bean paste that looks like it has Rabies, Natto, you are told, is a Japanese delight. This morning, your good friend Juerg decided it was time for a revelation. Juerg, that crazy guy from Switzerland, actually likes Natto, and has it quite often for breakfast, if today's 1:30pm breakfast is anything to go by. You can't help the shiver that runs down your spine.

Immediately you discover it is difficult to separate, as if it has its own sinister adgenda. It clings to your utensils, forming sticky tendrils not unlike mozzarella cheese... except that it is ENTIRELY unlike mozzarella cheese.

You knew it would be bad, unlike anything you had tried before. You thought about running away, but didn't want to be a coward. Nothing prepared you for this. You immediately gag as it tastes of sour, savoury vomit; an explosion of despair in your mouth. You violently start chewing, eyes watering as Juerg looks on in a sort of bewildered amusement. Why won't it go down? You start to swallow anyway, desperately reaching for something, anything to take the taste away...

Your violent reactions amuse your friends, who laugh at your misfortune as your eyes continue to water and your stomach continues to heave. In the background, you see some sort of marriage special on TV, but all you can focus on is the Natto. You praise yourself again and again at remembering to pour yourself a glass of apple juice, and you are still chewing as you start to drink. One drink is not enough, not nearly. You gulp the juice and force the Natto down, imagining it stabbing your stomache as it tried to massacre your taste buds. You drink again, but the taste lingers in your mouth, and another drink still does not erase it. You resolve to start eating well, as this incident has shown you how easily crushed your tastebuds are.

And if anyone should invite you to try Natto again, you already know just the response...


  1. Beautiful. It brings a tear to my eye...again. You have heard the truth people. I will never again do Natto in JF House, or with a mouse. NATTO IN THE HOUSE PEOPLE! Now that's low!

  2. Well now you have provided me with an image of what I imagine a half-chewed crab stomach might look like. Or maybe the EGGS that a crab has just laid...I don't know. (do they lay eggs? yes, ben, they do)
    Instead it is something that Japanese people actually enjoy eating and this does not surprise me in any capacity.

  3. i think sarah's last picture really does paint a thousand words!!

  4. I did warn you about Natto in our previous conversation. You have only yourself and Mr. Monsley M. Natto to blame for your Natto predicament. (Monsley created Natto)

  5. Wow I am soo glad I wasn't there to try that, although still very jealous I wasn't there to watch your faces as you tried it! Rock on guys can't wait to hear more of your exploits!

  6. THAT'S LOW!!!!

    I am both intrigued/ horrified... and of course I feel that I MUST travel to Japan for the sole purpose of trying this Natto! Bring it biatch!

  7. Hahahaha omg I actually started laughing out loud in a lecture whilst reading this. I agree with John, that last picture tops it all off!